I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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