Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
