dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
