WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
