i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
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Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
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Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
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