The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
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