On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
handjob tips. give me some.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
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