I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
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