You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
