You can't motorboat a personality
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Randomize
