Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
