apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
I think people are normalizing furries
Randomize
