You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
Four minutes until I can fart!
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
