so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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