Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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