Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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