Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
