If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
