Your face is a jimmy john
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
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