I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
His hands were made for my vagina.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Randomize
