sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
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