Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
areolas are like halos for boobs.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Randomize
