I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
