I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
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I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
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He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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