Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
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