I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Randomize
