I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
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