he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Randomize