I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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