I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Randomize
