dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
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