I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
