Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
