she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
