Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
