isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
