Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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