i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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