TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
