Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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