So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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