Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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