It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
