At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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