I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
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