i jhust puked up my retainher.
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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