Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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