birth control should be required to get into college
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
