the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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