you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Randomize
