So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
