what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
