That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
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