Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
