it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
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