Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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