Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Randomize
