Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
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