never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Randomize
