it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
