Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Randomize
