I heard we made out
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
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But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
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I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
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