if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
