I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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