Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Randomize
