alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
