Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
