my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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