Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
