ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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