I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
