how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
