His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
