I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
