u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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