He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
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